Some Like It Hot!

My god, has it been hot last week! Hot enough to melt your Winnebago!

For those of us living in the United States, we've been experiencing record-breaking temperatures, with exceptionally high humidity and very little rain throughout the entire country. It's terribly hot, and I lack the motivation to do absolutely ANYTHING outside.

I'm not sure how people can enjoy these ridiculously hot Summer days. I'm sure these temperatures are too much even for Summer-lovers, but I can't even stand 80-90 Summer weather! There's nothing pleasant about trying to keep cool, with the sun continually sapping the energy right out of you. I've always been a Winter guy myself, preferring to keep warm in below-freezing temperatures. I feel there's a lot more to do in the Winter on extremely cold days then there is on extremely hot days.

Yeah, I can hear you Summer-lovers snickering over there, lying lazily on your sofa, in a wife-beater and Daisy Duke's, drenched in sweat. It seems oxymoronic, right? Winter's supposed to be the stay-indoors time, and Summer's supposed to be the time to get out and “git-r-dun,” so to speak.

Yeah, sure, the snow and cold air makes going outside a bit unpleasant, and going for a causal drive can be treacherous between all of the blizzards and patches of black ice that form on the roads (especially since there are so many people who don't know how to DRIVE in such conditions). But you also don't have the brutal, inescapably pervasive heat killing construction workers and the elderly, who are typically doing nothing but just sitting in one spot. Unless you have the luxury of having several AC units, you'll be constantly fried, even if all you do is sit in the shade, thanks to the humidity. Think stripping down naked is going to help? It might for a bit, but all it'll do is make your sagginess a little more noticeable, and you'll still have to cover yourself in cold water and ice to feel any better. Whereas in the winter, if you start feeling chilly, all you have to do is throw on another layer of clothing and you'll be comfortable enough. Of course, if you're the type who enjoys turtling under a pile of blankets, it might make mobility a bit of a challenge, but generally you'll only need 2-3 layers when you're inside (make that 3-4 if you're outside). And if that's not enough, there's room on your body for more.

I mean, what can you do on a hot Summer day, besides sweating all over the furniture? What would you have the motivation to do, besides sitting on the beach sun bathing? (Actually, I'll admit that summer has one benefit—bikini-clad chicks sunbathing.) It's too hot to go for a hike, too hot to doing work in your garden, and too hot to make any kind of exertion. It makes you easily fatigued, whereas the brisk, cold air of Winter is enough to wake anyone up (note how passed-out drunks are always revived with ice-water to the face, and not boiling water...though I suppose, on second thought, they do that to prevent sending said drunk to the hospital with second-degree burns). There's so much to do on a cold, snowy day—you can make forts and snowmen, you can go sledding, skiing, or snowboarding, and you can even EAT the snow if you want! (Insert mindless “yellow-snow-ain't-lemon-flavored” joke here.) People make sport of ice climbing, and it's fairly easy to stay in shape when you shovel at least part of your driveway and walkway each week. I mean, who wants to work-out on these hot Summer days! Gah! You people make me sick!

With all that being said, I don't mind 70-80 degree weather with some humidity. The Fall and Spring are great times to hike and enjoy the sights Mother Nature has to offer. But any hotter than that and I'll be cursing you people who enjoy this kind of weather! And as our current weather has broken all previously made records, I don't even have the motivation to do that. Hell, typing on the keyboard is making me sweat with exertion.

So do you hear me Mother Nature? You better start cranking that thermostat down! Or else I'll—I'll—well, I'll just sit here fuming, making myself feel even worse! Yeah!